All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
