At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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