Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize