no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize