Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize
