he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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