i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
