i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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