last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
