Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
