R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
