Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
