I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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