I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the condom got lost in my hair
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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