he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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