toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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