I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
