I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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