I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
