I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
