I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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