if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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