I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So vagazzling was a success
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