Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
