a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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