i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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