im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
