You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
