yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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