I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
