the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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