I am puke
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
