Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
