So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
