I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
