once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
