I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
