he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
