I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
