I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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