At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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