Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
