i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
