I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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