look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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