You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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