we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
