I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
