Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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