Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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