Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
