Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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