i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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