and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
