I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
