I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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