Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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