she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
