I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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