member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize