the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
