At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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