this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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