There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I love black thongs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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