did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
