So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
