and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
