he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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