I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
