yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
