i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
whose ass print is on the piano?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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