I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
