Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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