How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
3 2 1 whiskey
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
